beeing in lockdown

As we entered lockdown in the U.K on the 20th March 2020, as a response to the global coronavirus pandemic, my mood began to elevate. Surprisingly, it was not as a result of the impending chaos, but simply my brain following the rhythm of the last few years, switching from high to low, hypomania to depression, usually on repeat.

Since my diagnosis of Bipolar Disorder, in 2004, I have had little stability in my mood. My brain literally has a schedule of its own. My episodes usually last for 3 to 6 months at a time and as mentioned, cycle and repeat, sometimes it feels, constantly. With the current situation, I am “monitoring”, whether actually doing as I am told “staying at home”, affects the severity, or length of this particular hypomanic episode.

I am normally at this point (6 weeks in), fighting urges to: go shopping, spend money on unnecessary stuff - clothes, shoes, handbags, and my favourite vice, stationery, (I should have shares in Paperchase). I’m usually making endless plans, notes, emails and phone-calls, some more necessary than others, to friends and family. Although I speak every day to family members and some of the gals, I’m finding that I am channelling most of my energy into household activities and projects, instead of venturing out & charging about like I would usually. This appears to be positively impacting how I feel mentally and physically.

I’m spending quality time with The Highlander and The Wildling, engaging in simple pleasures: enjoying the sunshine, nature walks, picnics in the garden, staring at clouds, reading books I've had for ages, eating cupcakes, going on minibeast hunts, crafty projects, baking cakes, bread & cookies, cooking meals from scratch, painting with the Wee one, doing "Cosmic Yoga for Kids classes". I’m also doing stuff that I’ve been putting off for ages: organising paperwork, shredding paperwork, sorting clothes for charity, tidying the loft, the garage, that cupboard under the stairs jammed with all-sorts. Decluttering drawers. Donating books to a local ‘Little Library’. Taking tins to our local church food bank. All this done at a leisurely pace, is literally slowing my fizzy (Hypomanic) brain down, which can only be a good thing.

I’m making notes on a wellbeing in education project, that I've been wanting to kick start for months. As I now have the time to really consider the concept, logistics & finer details.

My living space feels much more organised and peaceful. And therefore, so does my mind. Life in lockdown is bizarrely good for my mental health, which I understand is quite unusual. Fizzy brain or not, I have no choice but to slow down….and breathe.